Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Mighty Awful Poison.

I've noticed a big change in my life recently that I'd like to share with all of you now. This big change is no doubt traceable to a few fairly significant lifestyle modifications I've made in the past several weeks. The biggest one is that I have very consistent sleep habits now. I go to bed at roughly midnight and I get out of bed at roughly 0800. I do this everyday and I haven't strayed from that schedule for over a month now. This is really helpful to me in another area that has been trouble for me, eating and nutrition.

I've consumed mountains of junk food in my life, many of these mountains of junk food have been consumed in single sittings too. Not only is this terribly unhealthy for your body in terms of fucking up how your body is supposed to operate, but it has dramatic affects on how your body looks too. Sometimes I feel like I look like a mound of mashed potatoes or maybe a well-stuffed burrito. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I DO look like a well-stuffed burrito. Unfortunately, I don't think women or anybody, look at me and say, "He looks delicious; I’d really like a burrito in my mouth right now." I wouldn't be surprised if this is what is said about me based on my appearance, "Someone should put some plastic down or maybe some butcher paper, if that guy pops open there's gonna be a mess all over the place." Who wants that?

Having my sleep in order has helped me eat healthier foods, and most importantly, it's helped me plan portion sizes that work for me and my weight training/cycling activity to lose a bunch of weight, almost all of which is body fat. Not only do I look better but I feel better. The feeling better is dramatic and it is only helping me stay on track when I may start to get a tiny bit sloppy with going to bed maybe 15 minutes later than I need to be or when I have cravings and get frustrated with what, how, and how much I'm eating.

By far one of the biggest physical changes in the past month has been the dramatic drop in my intestinal gas. I'm not farting as much, people, and when I do fart it's just very tiny amounts. In technical jargon, we professionals call this "tooting" and it is not as great as it may sound. I used to have enormous farting ability and pretty disgusting smelling farts too. Now I have these tiny, dainty little toots, but these toots smell so bad they could choke skunks to death, man.

It's scary to think about and you know your gas is bad when you "toot" and then you're mad at yourself. "Come on, Keith, that fuckin' stinks you asshole, that's not funny, dude. I'm about to puke."(but then I do think it's funny because I did just actually get mad at myself and say that in my head, or sometimes out loud! OOH, what a crazy, kooky couple I am.)

This makes me think that my personal potency is increasing at an alarming rate, not only in my fart production skills, but all other areas as well. Overall, I'm just becoming a more potent person. A little bit of me goes a long way. I don't know if this is a good thing, a great thing, or a horrible thing. I'll keep you all advised. 


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