I have always interested in how people speak. Me, You, Everybody. One thing about speech that interests me is new lingo and how often new “Word Trends” pop up and the next thing you know everybody around you is using the word “douchebag” to describe anyone or anything of which they disapprove. Shame on you all; I don’t use the word douchebag in that way, but I already bragged about this yesterday. It seems to me that these new trendy words or ways of speaking can sneak up on you and suffocate you in an instant. Just like a greasy drifter smothering you with a plastic bag so he can rob you for crack funds. It’s not your fault that everyone around you is using this new language constantly and before you know it you are so saturated with this language you start using it yourself without even thinking about it. Oh Geeeeezz Louise!, you think, and before you know it you are talking like a person not yet old enough to vote. FRUMPLESTILTSKINS!!!
Suffice to say, I have also heard that if one changes the way they think, they will therefore change the way they speak. The opposite is true as well. Change the way you speak, and you can change the way you think. If you’re lazy enough to let yourself be lulled into speaking like everybody around then guess what? You fucking think like everybody around you, and you dress like them, walk like them, behave like them, and live just like them. In the end, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. You’ll probably become a proud member of a “Homeowner’s Association” before you know it and you’ll be part of your own little suburban dictatorship telling people that they are only allowed paint their homes one of 58 variations of taupe. Choose your words wisely.
Anyway, being the arrogant “do-it-yourself” bastard that I am I don’t like to be told what to say or how to say it, so I have always tried to come up with my own new language. Who says I’m not allowed to, fuck you, this is America and I can do whatever the fuck I want to and you have to buy it!
Sheen – something that was cool, but is now very uncool. Just like Martin and Charlie Sheen. You might say that these two gentlemen have lost their Sheen. (I originally came up with this in 2007, but isn’t it great how Blodin keeps answering my prayers and handing me all these great gifts?)
|"Let's get this guy, Rick."|
For example: Fat, doughy bastard at a bar with a really tight shirt on who is trying to look like he’s a mountain of muscle that actually works out, and on top of that he’s ranting about something athletic like football or UFC. You would see him and without even turning to your friends, yell out, “Berlinetta, 2’oclock!” They’ll get the picture. But if they don’t I guess it’s possible your “friends” aren’t that Dawg (see below for the definition of Dawg).
Example: “Hey dude, did you get a new car?”
“Yeah, you like it? It’s Dawg”
I spell it different because Dawg is pronounced differently from dog. This isn’t your pet; it’s an exclamation of severe approval. Dog is pronounced dawg. Dawg is pronounced, Dow-waeg, with two syllables. Figure it out.
( I also came up with this in 2007 but the world Cougar soldiers on bravely into meaninglessness, it even has a fucking crappy TV show), so I had to replace it. The reasoning behind Delorean is simple really. If you take a woman in her late thirties up to late forties, the last time they were truly hot was quite awhile ago. Just like the car from “Back to the Future”, the Delorean, it was hot way back in the day, back in the eighties, but now it’s just an aging icon. Sure it’s cool, but only in a throwback; laugh at it kind of way. Similar to how people like to get a good laugh out of talking about how we all loved some 8 bit Nintendo Entertainment System, and you may even break the fucker out to play a few games of Duck Hunt. However, compared to today’s systems that smelly little box sucks ass. Old ladies are the same way, if you find a good looking one who wants to engage in some dirty fucking sex, cool, but otherwise they are wretched people. You’ll drive that old Delorean around town every now and then because you get a bunch of looks from people who respect your style and you ability to rock the old school shit. However, you don’t want to pound that old sagging ass every day for the rest of your life. Just like you wouldn’t drive a Delorean on a daily basis.
All right, now that I have pissed off every woman over age thirty five, let’s move on.
My last few words are not even words that I came up with. They are old words that I want to resurrect for my own usage, and if I am cool enough, I will be able to kick start the rebirth of these words on a larger scale.
I don’t like to call women in “chicks” or “bitches” or “girls,” because I am not a “boy” and I have grown up and I follow the Golden Rule. I have always liked the old movies, think Sinatra era, when all the cool dudes called women “dames” or “broads,” (and ironically, when treating women like second class citizens was not only accepted but encouraged). I like those words for some reason, I think it’s because relative to “chicks” and “bitches” they sound so classy, so that’s what I call women if I don’t call them “women” or “ladies”. Sorry if you dames and broads don’t like it, but that’s just how I punch the muffin.
Have a great day everybody.